Jul. 20, 2005

Betty Bowers on Geeks Who Leak

Our dashing (usually away from pesky, fact-obsessed reporters) President, in more of a flop sweat than a flip-flop, changed His mind this week about firing anyone undermining national security for political gain. After all, the only war that matters is not the one to protect Americans from deadly threats from abroad, but the one to protect them from uncomfortable truths at home. In a previous moment of uncharacteristic weakness, our handsome President ordained that He would fire anyone who leaked. This sent Dick Cheney in a covert scurry to CVS in Foggy Bottom for a large box of Depends. Under the new criteria for dismissal from the White House, you have to either say, "I don't agree with you, Mr. President" or be recorded on security video robbing a liquor store. That's what we Americans love about our fine-looking President: He is always a straight shooter. Indeed, in both directions, if necessary. (Of course, after male prostitute Jeff Gannon has been giddily passed around the West Wing for hundreds of joy-filled hours, it may be a stretch to refer to any of them as straight.)

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